Some quick thoughts on Jason X (2001)

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Awww yes, the much maligned Jason X. I can remember the pre-judgment many made over the very concept of Mr. Voorhees in outer space. Back on the now defunct Diabolical Dominion forum, a loud majority seemed dead set against the idea regardless of the outcome. Some were more optimistic, but those entrenched on the opposing side often resorted to casting the "you aren't a "real" fan..." charge on those willing to wait. Shades of all the pre-release hubris surrounding Avatar just like with most major releases or franchise with a longstanding following on the Interwebs. Of course, the release date delays and rumors of a troubled production didn't help the reception of this tenth kill-a-ton celebration headed up by everyone's favorite deformed momma's boy.

This textual tug of war colored my reaction when I finally saw the intergalactic misadventures of the macheted-one. James Issac's sequel is just so different and no one really expected (nor particularly wished to see) the beastly character shot off into the stars. The space angle seemed like a ploy at the then fledgling rebirth of episodic space operas on the boob tube. Finding the Pioneer/GAGA Communications Japanese DVD peaked my interest in seeing it again after years. And despite not watching that particular disc (factory sealed, 'natch), popping in the stateside New Line Platinum edition last night led to a surprising reevaluation.

Jason X isn't nearly the embarrassment than remembered. Sure, the flick has some obvious issues; the production has that ramshackle television look, the nearly one-dimensional CG spacecraft effects, the Alien/Aliens-themed riff raff, the science being firmly armchair, and (sorry to say) Manfredini's last Friday score often sounding noticeably cheap. We horror fans love to guard our properties like our own children, though to his credit, Isaac seems to "get" yet not piss away the series being essentially popcorn slasher fun. This is exactly what this flick embodies when stripped of all the motherly protection and unreachable expectation that we too often saddle our beloved horror icons with. After revisiting this, you can't tell me this is a bad way at all for the F13 series proper to conclude compared to the fates of the "original" Freddy, Michael, Pinhead, or Chucky lineages. Those demanding more gloss and sheen have their rather innocuous, ultra slick Bay-fueled re-imagining.

Kane Hodder's performance just might be his best behind the Jarvis-slashed hockey mask. The character is ridiculously menacing from picture start like a fucking brickwall of interstellar teenage doom. A vastly better showing than the fifteen-or-so minutes of screen time the real Jason received going to Hell. The makers of Freddy vs. Jason and Friday the 13th (2009) may have wanted a taller Voorhees, but the barrel-chested Hodder proves the only one with the exacting brutish mannerisms to make the Crystal Lake Corpse truly terrifying. Shit, Kane as Jason could be a full foot shorter and still make your legs itch from piss-soaked jeans as you bolt through the woods screaming for your life. Issac wisely makes Hodder the clear star; once Jason smashes the crystallized face of that future space babe, the sex ends as the slaughter begins. Also Uber-Jason is certainly more agreeable than the dumb body jumpin' in Jason Goes to Hell.

Hell, I didn't even mind all the cheeky quips from the human cattle and sexy leather-clad android. This humor makes one care more for the admittedly single-serve victims. I can't remember who said '95's Tales from the Crypt Presents Demon Knight was the last of the old guard before the Scream revolution, but Jason X could be considered its final death rattle before Saw and all these remakes cluttered the landscape. This is one of those unabashed horror flicks for horror fans. That should make sense to those dyed-in-the-wool.

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Wonder if Warner will ever re-announce this for DVD?

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Video: One Japanese DVD Lot To Rule Them All...

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This isn't all of 'em, so I'll post a follow-up video soon just to further prove that I'm an absolute geek...

Evil Things: The Blog Blitz and the Big Freeze...

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Last week I received a mysterious "confidential" envelope from an Agent D. Perez supposedly from the Feds. I sorta freaked but then discovered it was a bit of ingenious press kitting from the makers of the found footage horror indie Evil Things (IMDB here). I was set to watch the film for reviewing purposes last Thursday only to discover my DVD player doesn't play nice with the DVD-R. Despite the disc being authored correctly as a single layer DVD, at just six minutes in the picture and sound suddenly halt and the player becomes totally unresponsive even after repeated attempts. I'm one of the few on planet Earth who lack computer speakers, so popping this into to my DVD-ROM is a no-go. So I'm stuck until I haul out my other player and hook it back up. I feel an obligation to Dominic Perez and the powers that be behind Evil Things (official site) to say I really appreciate the chance to review your film and the rather frightening surprise in my mailbox. Though it might take some time before I can do what's necessary to watch the other eighty eight minutes.

In lieu of a BoGD review right now, here's several other reviews from fellow bloggers since the film seems to be popping up all over the horror blogosphere as of late. I will get to my review sometime after the holidays. Although judging by skimming over these, I'm missing out! If I happened to miss your review, please feel to post a direct link in the comments section! Check out the film's trailer over at YouTube!

Freddy in Space (Evil Things tag)
I Like Horror Movies
The Jaded Viewer
Midnight Confessions
The Horror Effect
Chuck Norris Ate My Baby
Midnite Media
All Things Horror
Terror Firmer
I Love Horror
Fatally Yours

Stupid Fun with Zombie 4: After Death (1988)

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Before I get hate mail from the two other people that like this Claudio Fragasso-helmed rancid pasta outing; I actually don't mind it too in a late '80s Italiano splat twilight kinda way. Also not to step on any toes, check out The Horror Effect's CAPS entries for something similar...

Couldn't Get Through It: Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings (1994)

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A group of '90s standard twenty-something high schoolers up and slam their car into, beat over the head, and damn near burn the old witch keeper of Pumpkinhead to death. The titular demon then revives after these dumbasses perform an impromptu ritual using his human-form corpse. The windy, schizophrenic strobe lighted kills begin anew as the Elephantiasis sufferer from Hades stalks the countryside by night.

There's two predominant types of "good" cheap horror programmers. The ones in which filmmakers pleasingly thrive under such piecemeal conditions while the other kind that may not have this quality, but get by on sheer gusto and/or laughs spurred by their ineptitude. Jeff Burr's Pumpkinhead II: Blood Wings doesn't sit in either camp instead landing with match grade accuracy into a cold middle ground. The result just might be the most uninteresting second sequel of a mainstream horror franchise ever. The cheapness of the whole thing quickly becomes painfully tacky and too obvious to ignore.

Everyone comes out looking bad, especially Director Burr, with one getting the impression the studio either pissed him off or he having absolutely no interest in the material. The barren sets are cramped with no directorial flare to enliven them, the "action" sequences sloppily cobbled together, and I swear the same two chairs against a wall of a one room police station also appear against the wall of a hospital lab. You know there's serious problems when the most interesting shot is a camera taped to a shovel handle. Even little details seem thrown away, like a brief shot of a car backing up after the old witch gets slammed into by the teens. There's a million ways to frame a car inquisitively backing up. Here it's a boring roadside shot with the rear end barely drifting into the left side and stopping as the next shot begins. That might seem meaningless, but it's in a long line of who-gives-a-damn piss takes.

The usually dependable Andrew Robinson (Dirty Harry, Hellraiser) is terrible as the lead sheriff and father of a girl in the young, doomed group. Joe Unger ("go get the meat!" from Texas Chainsaw 3), Kane Hodder, and a nearly unrecognizable Linnea Quigley show up for checks as backwood victims. Unger's small performance is like a dim beam of light in a roomful of shattered bulbs. There's loads of annoying ADR for all the stilted dialogue and no one else in this wreck is worth mentioning. At one point, Quigley survives the vengeance of the demon only to wildly scream into the arms of Robinson with a nurse immediately saying something to the effect of "she's in a state of extreme shock, almost scared to death" like it's a shade of human emotional reaction that's unprecedented in the history of film. Groan...

This sequel only shows how solid the work of Stan Winston, Lance Henriksen, and the host of writers of the original really is. Burr and the two no-other-credit writers took a creation born from Hell's Autumn season and unemotionally plunged into '90s clunker purgatory. I lasted about fifty minutes in and feel I'm not missing a single thing by halting the tape from utter disinterest. I haven't seen Ashes to Ashes or Blood Feud, but after this the only direction to go is up.

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It's snowing in the basement...

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Some quick thoughts on Savage Weekend (1976...or 1979...or 1981)

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A recently divorced woman, her new hubbie, and a couple of her fellow city slicker yuppie friends go off to the country for a weekend to relax while checking on the build progress of a yacht. The locals are stand-offish bumpkins and the guy working on the boat, Otis (William Sanderson), is the local dimwit with a checkered past. See, years ago Otis assaulted a couple in the woods and ended up branding an H (for "whore", ol' Otis can't spell too good) onto the bare chest of a girl. He's not the only one keeping a watchful eye on the outsiders. There's also a lumberjack supplying wood for the seafaring restoration whom the flirtatious woman kinda lusts after. Though no one is safe once a figure dawning a gory Halloween mask begins the meek slaughter...

Awesome cover, eh? Unfortunately, this pretty much forgotten slasher is pretty much crap. The chief problem is everything being lazy from the drag-ass editing, absent acting, and a story that could have been condensed into fifteen minutes or less that still wouldn't have quite made sense. The opening scene even resorts to shuffling the climax to forcefully infer who the makers wish the viewer to perceive as the killer throughout. One couldn't care less about the yuppie meatbags as they bounce into each other trying to provoke inane intrigue. The presence of a smattering of old style thick an' rich 3M effects blood (no gory moneyshots here, folks) and some pasty boobies can't save this not-so savage weekend as we push this ten ton monolith of bad bad movie into the last half hour. Just another example of slasher with an okay looking killer (in that last half hour) being plowed by overwhelming watch once mediocrity. It's hard to believe this was shot just three or four years after Craven's seminal The Last House on the Left.

Besides looking like Moochie and Tuna got a hold of the box, Paragon Video's tape has some quirks. Later releases of this tape stated "A Cannon Films Release" on the front but this one doesn't. Before the film, there's a notice of an R-rating from King of Video, Inc. which was Paragon's original name. Some shots, like the opening credits and close-ups of the masked madman, are matted at 1.85:1 widescreen while the rest is left unmatted. This leads to many obvious occasions of boom mics floating above and below the actors.

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Video: The Tape Cut-ups, Pt. 1

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Here's a video of some of my VHS cut boxes. Most of these are "lesser" selections but there's a few interesting ones mixed in. Tomorrow is finally Friday; so I hope to veg out after a laborious work week, watch a few flicks, attend the swap meet (snow permitting), wait on a few mailed goodies, and lurk around BoGD. Enjoy my 1,086 instances of "uhhh" during this vid!

Another Day of "Sorta" Content: The Weirdness of Knee Dancing

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Beat all to hell at work today again so here's another odd one-off into my collection that's sure to bore most though I'm too shot for extensively coherent thought this evening. Here's two VHS clamshells of Doreen Ross's Knee Dancing. The one on the left has no studio name or logo anywhere on the case or tape while the the right copy is from "Neon Video". Yep, the same studio responsible for the baffling White Justice (thoughts here). According to the IMDB (threadbare listing here), Knee Dancing is from 1988, but the look of the artwork reeks of 1978. Troma apparently has this one, deeming it "beyond weird!", available for international distribution. How did I come across two copies from two different obscure studios of such an obscurity? I have no idea...

Igor Munching on a Bath Brush...

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Pretty beat today so here's something small yet hopefully interesting. This is the Video Gems clamshell of Sergio Martino's Sex with a Smile (40 gradi all'ombra del lenzuolo) (1976) with Marty Feldman, Barbara Bouchet, Edwige Fenech, and Tomas Milian among others. This is a VHS edition of the film you wouldn't likely see again being that it's twenty-eight years old and the studio re-issuing it in a cardboard big box a few years later. Although this copy isn't in perfect shape, its uncut condition is amazing considering its age and all the art being nakedly printed on a puffy white clamshell. I'm putting this one up so I'm sharing now before it's packed away for safe keeping.

Swap Meet Finds: Approved by Bob Dobbs

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Bustling at the vast assemblage of earnest peoples pedaling meager wears always trickles after the cold snap begets winter's chilled caress (highfalutin language!). In other words, I ain't found shit this past weekend because of the friggin' cold keeping people away. Though I did manage the few neato tapes to your left.

First up is Camp Motion Pictures big box of Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell (1986). I haven't seen this one yet, but by most accounts it's trash despite the awesome cover. The big box edition is quite rare with the "small" cardboard slipcover being more prevalent though still rare itself. The next tape is Wizard Video's über-rare The Texas Chainsaw Massacre released in 1982. The problem is the box is falling apart (time to break out the super glue), the tape has a few spots of mold (time for some delicate open-cassette surgery), and worst of all some stupid idiot signed their name in the right corner of the tape's front label. Still, it was only two bucks so I really can't complain, right, Ms. "Grace Manning"? I can't help that every copy of Reb Brown's pièce de résistance Strike Commando sticks to my hand. Lenzi's Battle of the Commandos (La legione dei dannati) (1969) is NTA Entertainment's Betamax edition in brand new condition to go along with my identical, just bigger NTA VHS.

I also took a trip to Wal Mart for milk and Tuna Helper and found an incorrectly priced copy of MGM's Collector's Edition of Craven's The Last House on the Left for $5. This seemed like a unique occurrence so don't go running to your nearest neighborhood business-crushing location. In their 2 for $11 dump bin, it appears Dimension have quietly re-released the CE of Halloween: H20 with an anamorphically enhanced widescreen transfer as opposed to the ancient non-anamorphic version. Dark Sky's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - 2-DVD Ultimate Edition metal Steelbook is now assumed to be out-of-print since I spotted four copies in plastic cases that were identical to the metal editions with no mention of corrected audio for those anal enough to know about that.

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Quick Weekend Views: Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986) & Death Warmed Up (1984)

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You gotta love how the producers of Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer were expecting a formulaic slasher only to get a hulking block of stark brutality from a director and lead working on starting gate creative highs. John McNaughton proceeds to kick your teeth in while Michael Rooker then forces you to eat those pearly whites. The effortless pacing, cold character interaction, and near total lack of liquid red body warmer acts as a reminder of the true horror that's potentially fumigating a neighbor's home or opening their door for a hitchhiker across town.

Rooker's career-cementing "my mama was a whore..." speech is what first crystallizes the methodical character to the viewer. A lesser work would have had a more overt red herring, not merely an opening attention-grabber of Henry driving about intercut with the murdered, but all the trembling psychosis is right there in that kitchen table conversation. Little touches such as his fractured morality shunning sexuality and Henry's bloodlust running hot and then suddenly ice cold for no obvious reason add to the complexity of the psychopath. Rooker makes his character a simplistic brute outwardly, but a terrifyingly cunning mangled corpse generator that is extraordinarily self-aware of his capabilities and limits.

The chameleon-like actor Tom Towles and Tracey Arnold do an excellent job supporting Rooker's seething powerhouse. Towles' Otis favors himself the smartest man in the room and he seems the "right" type of personality for Henry to nurture in the ways of murder. Though the inhuman power taking human life grants the perpetrator becomes too much when mixed with Otis's panache for various sexual perversions. Arnold's Becky is the lop-sided love interest of Henry who becomes smitten and then attracted to Henry's damaged past like her own. A shame her acting career floundered afterward.

This line sounds trite, but this deviant drama leads to one of the most chilling last frames ever filmed. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer is a rite of passage of sorts. If you can see the mastery on hand through the unforgiving savagery, you're prepared for most anything the screen can muster and possess the insight to see the beauty in the blackest of nihilistic conclusions. Pony Canyon's Japanese VHS is completely uncut in the film's original 1.33:1 aspect ratio.

On the other hand, I'm unsure what to make of David Blyth's Death Warmed Up, one of New Zealand's first "proper" horror features. The story concerns a mad doctor mucking around with nature and creating pissed off punk mutants through off-kilter brain surgery. The film begins in flashback with this same madman hypnotizing a teenager into coldly shotgunning his parents to death whose subsequently institutionalized for seven years. Upon release, the young man's life seems to idyllically kickstart as he and three happy-go-lucky friends travel to an island the doctor and his experiments inhabit for revenge...I guess...?

It's the type of flick that defies easy categorization. I don't know what it is with New Zealander films in general, but this one undeniably has that certain sunny kiwi charm like Jackson's Braindead (Dead Alive) or 1987's Contagion. Though this heady brew isn't squarely "horror", there's a bit of post-apocalyptic Running Man-esqe action with a hint of leathery cyberpunk mixed in with the copious splatter.

Blyth directs with flare initially but as the film wears you get the impression the director loses a bit of interest. Of course, I have no idea whether or not the film was shot in-sequence. The bloody mayhem involving exploding heads, ruthless stabbings, and intimate skull bone sawing coupled with its lightweight charm are enough to make up for the story's carefree attitude. I might warm to this weird concoction with repeat viewings. Vestron Video's VHS runs just under 83 minutes and might be missing slivers here-and-there with some of the gorier shots sloppily cutting too quickly.

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What's with all this Fright Night 2 insanity?

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I'm not sore that I never got around to picking up Artisan's now out-of-print DVD of Fright Night Part II that's now demanding an average of 'fiffy to over 'hunerd buck on Amazon and eBay. Though as a PSA to all, this disc isn't worth those prices and kinda not worth the cheapo bargain prices it could have been had for when still readily available. When Artisan sunk under Lionsgate's umbrella in 2003, many of their late '80s/early '90s horror catalog DVD titles saw their days numbered, and Fright Night Part II seemed to vanish overnight.

Like Fright Night, this sequel was originally shot in 2.35:1 scope, but Artisan's disc features a composition-shattering pan-and-scan full screen transfer much like ye olden VHS of yore. This seems right since the source for the DVD's transfer is the old hazy video master utilized for the International Video Entertainment (I.V.E.) cassette. As these captures in the review over at Taliesin Meets the Vampires attest, the film's presentation on Artisan's disc looks like a weak Laserdisc at best anyway. Artisan's DVD otherwise has nothing going for it in the supplemental material department unless you count the cool cover art and chapter list insert as extras.

So my advice is to either be patient in your search for this disc or go the much cheaper route and find a copy of the not-really-worse VHS. I went with the latter and so far have found three copies in good viewing condition for the total price of a McDonald's value meal. Sure, I'd snag the disc if ran across at a swap meet, but sellers trying to pass off copies for $130 are not of their right minds. I understand the desire for zen-like DVD symmetry. There are those out there who feel a slight tinge when looking at Fright Night all alone on their plastic movie coaster rack, but it seems nutty to blow such a collector's market chunk of change on such a limpdick attempt at a digital presentation.

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Video: Japanese VHS Collection

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Enjoy! Also this is obvious, but make sure to update your browser's Adobe Flash drivers. I noticed on a friend's computer yesterday that my uploaded videos looked trashed until I updated Flash...hey that rhymes...

The Austrian Japanese VHS Annoyance and Some eBayer Tips for Sellers

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So early last month, I'm combing eBay and run across a seller in Austria (who know, the land of Arnie and Fucking) with a plethora of Japanese pre-records. He's got a 100% feedback with many positive remarks from buyers, but shipping on each tape is a bear at $12.50USD for international standard air. Activity on the listings isn't bad though. So on November 7th, I entered the fray.

That night, I scored CIC's edition of Bruno Mattei's Double Target and Pony Canyon's Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. The "no other bid" minimum for each tape was $22 shipped, so I wanted to be very conservative with my selections and waved goodbye to what seemed like three dozen other cassettes that sold like hot cakes. I get no word from the buyer on these two until a week later when I win Columbia's Class of Nuke 'Em High. I then get an invoice with a note from the seller about the three not shipping until a week later because of work. Now granted, "work" can mean any number of things. Perhaps something unexpected came up on this end? Though let me say this: If you're an eBay seller, don't list anything if you know actual work is heavy and you'll be too busy to ship out items promptly. I can not tell you many how times I've had this happen and how incredibly annoying it is. As an eBay buyer, I always pay quickly, usually as soon as the auction ends. If I would have known the seller was going to pull this kind of shit; I wouldn't have paid as nearly as quickly. When this occurs, it feels as if the buyer is being punished for holding up his end of the transaction. Also honestly, I couldn't care less about most anything concerning said transaction until I'm holding the item in my very hands. So cut the make-nice bullshit sellers, I only want what I paid for, unless you want to cut a special deal with a buyer.

This is where the importance of tracking comes in. After that crap about delayed shipping, I didn't hear anything again from the seller. No shipping confirmation or even a quick sentence about finally shipping them off. Thirty-two days after initially winning Double Target and Henry; they arrived in my mailbox yesterday. Nuke 'Em High arrived a few hours ago. I'm glad I actually received them. After that much time, I was figuring the odds were 50/50. Though I did leave a kind message for the seller this past Monday and to his credit he responded same day. He told me to wait another week and if they don't show up he'll get the tracking number from the post office. Here's another big tip: if you have tracking number, always give it to the buyer ASAP after you ship the item(s). This is a big load off the mind even if it still takes a month to be plopped in the box. Especially if shipping across the damn globe or should I say central Europe. I don't know what it is about this area of the world, but I've received standard airmailed packages much faster from Britain, Hong Kong, and Australia. Order something standard airmail from say, France or Germany, and you might as well forget about it until it makes a surprise appearance.

So yeah, in the end I got 'em, after this quiet drama that could be easily avoided. One last thing for sellers, please don't fashion the package to look like an atypical pound of china white recovered in a drug bust. Both of the packages from this guy were roughed-up white paper over thin bubble wrap taped together with a roll of thick tan tape with crushed edges. I bet the tapes glow-in-the-dark from being ran through every security measure imaginable at every stop. One of the packages even has what looks like a strategically poked hole to make sure it's not the yayo. Argh, you can do it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeebbbbbbbbaaaayyyy...

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Wolfman's Got Silver Halide Crystal Nards!

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I don't have the disc yet myself, but judging by the screenshots on Blu-ray.com's review, The Monster Squad looks absolutely stellar on the format. The 1080p presentation even looks to best Sony's Night of the Creeps Blu-ray. I was especially interested in how Lionsgate would handle this high def release since their their otherwise long-deservingly fantastic 2-Disc DVD edition has a lackluster interlaced transfer (example here). This lack of progressive flagging drops the DVD's resolution by roughly 30% and it's always strange to see major studios produce comprehensive special editions only to bumble an important aspect of the feature's picture quality. Though it should go without saying the standard 480i definition presentation is still clearly superior to any prior home video release.

On the other hand, the Blu-ray's picture quality is clearly superior to the two-year-old DVD. Black levels might be a touch elevated, but the layer of natural grain that was entirely absent in the standard def picture looks completely untouched and well defined. What's even more impressive is that the grain is tight even in the darker shots where just a little noise reduction would have quickly erased that fine detail. Based on those shots, this is easily one of the best looking '80s productions I've seen on Blu-ray thus far and that's something to celebrate (and grab as soon as possible).

The reviewer refers to an odd anomaly of "...sections or bands of blurring across the top or bottom of the picture." This is actually an issue with the anamorphic 2.35:1 Panavision shooting method. I'm no expert, but supposedly this particular method in that era was very difficult to keep in perfect focus and often certain shots exhibit slight blur around the frame's edges. If you have a keen eye, this can also be seen repeatedly in John Carpenter's films since he favors the same process.

Who would have ever thought? The Monster Squad languished on a painfully cropped full screen VHS for years until an extremely expensive and desired widescreen laserdisc arrived in Japan. Then suddenly Lionsgate dropped a dense special edition on DVD and now just a short time later we have a high def presentation that will be tough to beat for quite sometime. See? Technology can be the horrorhound's best friend! Best of all, this Blu-ray can be found for just a few bucks over a Hamilton.

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