He's Looking For Linda...

Here's an incredibly rare tape, Xeon Ltd's big box of SPINE (1986), that popped up on eBay a few days ago with a starting bid of $250 (lowered from $300). I don't own nor have ever seen this tape on eBay before. No way in hell I'm placing a bid, but it's definitely interesting to finally see a full VHS box scan of the title. Substance released a grey market DVD a few years ago that seems hard-to-find in itself.

The Top 100 Horror Films of All Time (Please Don't Kill Me)

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I made this list in back in 2005, thought I'd share upon running across it again. It's nearly impossible to sort them by number, people will have their differences with the placements for sure, but these are all must-sees of the genre in my opinion. Be sure to click the green link to see and disagree over the Top 50 after the break.

100. Devil's Rejects, The (2005)
99. Nightmare (1980)
98. Noche del terror ciego, La ( Tombs of the Blind Dead ) (1971)
97. Mr. Vampire ( Geung si sin sang ) (1985)
96. Day of the Dead (1985)
95. Sin nombre, Los ( Nameless, The ) (1999)
94. I Drink your Blood (1970)
93. Prophecy, The (1995)
92. American Psycho (2000)
91. Jacob's Ladder (1990)
90. Woman in Black, The (1989)
89. Janghwa, Hongryeon ( Tale of Two Sisters, A ) (2003)
88. Session 9 (2001)
87. Hausu ( House ) (1977)
86. The Descent (2005)
85. Return of the Living Dead (1985)
84. Fright Night (1985)
83. Hills Have Eyes, The (1977)
82. Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
81. Espinazo del diablo, El ( Devil's Backbone, The ) (2001)
80. Ginger Snaps (2001)
79. Non si deve profanare il sonno dei morti ( Let Sleeping Corpses Lie ) (1974)
78. Blood Feast (1963)
77. Kyua ( Cure ) (1997)
76. Haute tension ( High Tension ) (2003)
75. Going Home (2002)
74. Abominable Dr. Phibes, The (1971)
73. Fearless Vampire Killers, The (1967)
72. ¿Quién puede matar a un niño? ( Who Can Kill a Child? ) (1976)
71. Willard (1971)
70. Dead & Buried (1981)
69. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
68. Fly, The (1986)
67. Cannibal Holocaust (1979)
66. Silence of the Lambs, The (1991)
65. Tokaido Yotsuya kaidan (1956)
64. Creepshow (1982)
63. Aldilà, L' ( Beyond, The ) (1981)
62. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer (1986)
61. Profondo rosso ( Deep Red ) (1975)
60. Se7en (1995)
59. House of Wax (1953)
58. Zombi 2 ( Zombie ) (1979)
57. Howling, The (1981)
56. Ringu ( Ring ) (1998)
55. Poltergeist (1982)
54. Candyman (1992)
53. Carrie (1976)
52. Dellamorte Dellamore ( Cemetery Man ) (1994)
51. Phantasm (1979)

50. Re-Animator (1985)
49. Frankenstein Must Be Destroyed! (1969)
48. Spoorloos ( Vanishing, The ) (1988)
47. Changeling, The (1980)
46. Evil Dead, The (1982)
45. Hellraiser (1987)
44. Operazione paura ( Kill Baby Kill ) (1966)
43. Suspiria (1977)
42. Videodrome (1983)
41. Omen, The (1976)
40. À Meia-Noite Levarei Sua Alma ( At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul ) (1963)
39. Village of the Damned (1960)
38. Vij ( Viy or Spirit of Evil ) (1967)
37. Friday the 13th (1980)
36. Matango (1963)
35. Uninvited, The (1944)
34. Horror of Dracula (1958)
33. Nightmare on Elm Street, A (1984)
32. Rosemary's Baby (1968)
31. Shining, The (1980)
30. Maschera del demonio, La ( Black Sunday ) (1960)
29. Dead of Night (1945)
28. White Zombie (1932)
27. Night of the Demon (1957)
26. Thing, The (1982)
25. Don't Look Now (1973)
24. Wicker Man, The (1973)
23. Peeping Tom (1960)
22. Kabinett des Doktor Caligari, Das ( Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, The ) (1920)
21. Black Cat, The (1934)
20. Frankenstein (1931)
19. Häxan (1922)
18. Carnival of Souls (1962)
17. Birds, The (1963)
16. Cat People (1942)
15. Phantom of the Opera, The (1925)
14. Freaks (1932)
13. Nosferatu ( Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens ) (1922)
12. Dracula (1931)
11. Jaws (1975)
10. I Walked with a Zombie (1943)
09. Alien (1979)
08. Bride of Frankenstein, The (1935)
07. Haunting, The (1963)
06. Psycho (1960)
05. Exorcist, The (1973)
04. Halloween (1978)
03. Night of the Living Dead (1968)
02. Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The (1974)
01. Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Click To See The Top 50»»»

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A Classic in Retro: Ringu (1998)

A.K.A. Ring
Directed by Hideo Nakata
96 Minutes / VideoCD VERSION 2.0 VCD (Hong Kong) / 1.85:1 Widescreen

I first saw Ring before it caught on stateside, launched massive interest in J-Horror (or Pacific Horror in general) globally, and spawned an Americanized remake. This VCD was purchased from a trader friend when DVDs were as expensive as Blu-rays and the vast majority of horror/cult video studios we enjoy now hadn't started up yet. The guy saying he didn't care for it, but he specialized in fetish tapes and violent pinku so I took that with a grain of salt. Being all about watching the goriest extravaganzas possible at that time, Ring didn't leave an immediate impression, but my appreciation has grown vastly with repeat viewings ever since.

Frolic in brine, goblins be thine. Nakata's film, adapted from Kôji Suzuki's 1991 novel, has a quietness and modesty lacking from the explosion of similar riffs after its enormous Japanese theatrical success. There's some ghostly imagery scattered throughout, like Sadako appearing to Reiko in the TV screen after she initially views the tape, but Nakata's camera seems to detest close-ups and frames actors with plentiful dead space around them. J-Horror prides itself on said creepy visuals, but it's gotten far out-of-hand and watching a Ju-on compared to Ring is sensory overkill. A splashy cavalcade of too many cats, too much flowing hair, and hard-to-sell tactics like nakedly showing the yūrei crawling down stairs while gurgling. The old adage of too much of a good thing. It's even more frightening not to be given the expected subtle visual scares and Nakata teaches a master class in more tell than show.

The true nature of Sadako is barely touched upon. She's supposedly "a monster" that may have not had a human father. This along with her mother speaking "not a human language" during her long sittings on the seashore brings an intriguing cryptozoological angle to the girl's ghostly story. Of course, Sadako's backstory has been explained in this film's lackluster sequels, though I prefer to believe she might be a half-bred psychically endowed creature of the sea, the largest unexplored area on Earth. I get the willies every time I think of the possibilities of the black oceans referred to several times in the film, especially in the ominous opening credits.

There's two sticking points that still manage to annoy me. Ryuji has the sudden ability to see the press event that caused Sadako's mother to commit suicide merely by touching another person. The character does state he can feel the presence of apparitions, but the level of detail in the flashback is too extraordinary. Could this have screamed "forced exposition" any louder? It would have been nice to see more tension between ex-spouses Reiko and Ryuji as well. Also there's a rushed jumble of explaination in the last five minutes as to why Sadako spared Reiko from death and a terrible techno track over the credits (Kairo (Pulse) had a terrible pop song during its end credits too).

Aside from these issues, Ring stills stands as the modern Japanese horror classic it was immediately hailed as by critics and box office receipts. I also consider it easily superior to the novel.

As for the VCD, the presentation sucks, sporting an extremely murky picture and gross spelling errors in nearly every sentence. In a strange change, all of the characters have been given Chinese names in the English subtitles. I did cheat a little for this review, I got through about ten minutes of the VCD before swapping it out for Dreamwork's fantastic DVD.


VCD Picture: 2/10
VCD Sound: 2/10

On "Hating" Horror...

Upon thinking about this entry at The Vault of Horror, What Horror Favs Do You Think Are Terrible?, I was initially preparing to take the pacifist stance. Now, I'm not saying those remarks in that VoH atricle are sloven hateothon rants, far from it, but it made me ponder those uncomfortable moments trying to explain why "X" remake can't replace the original's qualities or how The Haunting in Connecticut is a hodgepodge of dead beaten horse ideas to the common moviegoer. The VoH article preaches to the choir, even if we all don't agree (Hellraiser?!?). Though try breaking down such particular reasons (good or bad) to say, your usual coworker, and get ready to experience a purely self-defeating exercise. They'll probably just change the topic by saying The Collector was the baddest, most hardcore shit in the world.

I'm unsure how to react to "THIS MOVIE F**KING SUX!!!111!!!" rants often found in the IMDB's comment section. I always try to find individual elements in the flicks I consume to latch my positive vibes onto. Giving movies the benefit of the doubt separates us from the cattle that pack into enormous sticky multiplexes to waste over two hours at Transformers 2 on its opening weekend or Harry Knowles equating Blade 2 to the sex seen in a stag film. I say that with no reservations of people thinking I'm stating I'm better than others because in this little way those who speak passionately about film are.

Yes, I'm totally rambling (probably from approaching heat exhaustion), but it's just frustrating to deal with those who have such narrow cinematic views. That should go without saying I know. I guess this is the purpose of the genre blogger community. It's an attempt to bring viewpoints that cut above the standard love/hate taken by the majority and it's a joy to read the daily, even-handed thoughts of those who give a damn.

Buuuuuutttttt it is fun to rip elitist-style into the occasional trainwreck. I present to you a slathered stream of consciousness I originally spewed at DVDAficionado's forum about Jack Messitt's Midnight Movie. Looking back, a film that's not bad, but super pissed me off from all the praise dumped at its feet (the poster says it all) and I wasn't expecting a dinner-knife-enter-girl-flesh second coming...

Avoid. Maybe I'm in a pissy mood tonight, but this is crap that wasted my time. I gotta say I can understand how difficult it is to undertake the making of an indie horror project, so I watch with this in mind, but I just want my $11 back. Filmgoers at a midnight showing of a old B/W cult classic horror flick (that looks like boring crap as well) realize the killer in the film is actually killing people within the theater on-screen. That has potential (Demons friggin' destroys this film), but the execution so cookie cutter that it pisses you off right quick. Killer appears, boringly kills, then jumps back into the B/W film. There's the girl with a troubled past who might have the answer. Oh, and there's the obsessive, off-duty detective (whose too young and cleancut for the role, he's Tom Atkins last bowel movement) who comes to the theater on a hunch. Wow, the film is so innovative that it won Best Feature at the Chicago Horror Film Festival 2008. The selection must have been garbage. To add insult to insult, the thing simply isn't all that gory (or funny). There's more gore in a couple episodes of CSI. Anyone who lavishes praise on this dog aren't genre fans. Period.

Also the notion being pushed by some critics of the killer being the next great iconic Horror figure makes my damn blood boil. A silent, dumpy-looking guy wearing a mask of skull fragments and long johns that's 100 pounds soaking wet with a big clunky corkscrew-like weapon (it's as scary as a can opener)...that has hardly any backstory. He limps too (oh my!) Yep, there's your next Michael Myers. Woah Freddy, step aside! Hell, even Jigsaw, despite being an elderly mortal with a terminal illness, could make this idiot his bitch.

Here's my back cover pull-quote:

Midnight Movie -- makes you realize and appreciate just how good other recent Horror indies actually are!

Put that on the back of your fucking box!

Swap Meet Finds: The I'm Tired As Shit Edition

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So I just snapped a pic of their spineage for now. I will update tomorrow with the usual covers layout and details of what I've found. Need sleep...

The 1st Annual BoGD Ginger Bush Horror Blogist Awards

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Since there appears to be an impromptu awards meme season springing up around the horror blogosphere, I thought I'd recognize some of my personal favorite cultists to the throne of horrific daily commentary. I've devised my own award merely because I'm one of those prick non-conformists that must buck the trends of the Honest Scrap, You're a Great Read!, and Splash blog awards. So without further ado, I present the most coveted horror blog award meme ever created, even Rude Ralph agrees...

I swear I made this graphic, it's not stolen from Bang Bros

Ahhh yes, the most fabled Ginger Bush Award. Folks, you're lucky to even to be laying your eyes upon it. Inspired by the great Elvira, it relates to the complete awe and wonder I experience when I thinking behind all that cake make-up, black velvet, and raven-haired wig lies a pale fire down below powerful enough to illuminate Conan's path of vengeance to Crom. How does this relate to blogs I like? I have no clue. Is it sexist? Yes, but it's that kind of vintage swaggerin' Chuck Heston sexism, so it's all cool. Here are the five lucky winners this go around!

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THE CHEAP BIN

*Also known as "Das Cheap Bin" in Deutschland. Mr. Astro is the purveyor of all things incidental involving hairy older men/wrestlers/character actors (but in the good way), Iowa, casually observed horror, and entries ushering in weekends with grand style. His flick reviews are what I strive for mine to be; quick, snappy, and nostalgically entertaining. Lastly, I received the following message from Ax from Demolition regarding this CB entry:

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FREDDY IN SPACE

The best of the "biggies" in my estimation. John/Mortis/Freddy(?) runs a fantastic genre blog that one can feel evolving with each passing day. There's a little something from everyone within his entries and acts as a fantastic source for keeping up with the pulse of the more earnest layman-brand of Horror fandom. Eternally nice fellow as well, but I must admit I'm a touch sore over FoS being in the first page of Google Images' results for "horror vhs". Ya lucky bastard!

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CAVALCADE OF PERVERSIONS

The only estrogen-powered genre blog where I read every review since it refreshingly doesn't act as a mere quickie thought-bouncing plate like Stacie Ponder's Final Girl. Jenn has an undeniable knack for expounding upon films I couldn't muster three sentences towards. The choice of flicks seems quite random, but each is a brisk read and it's exciting to see what pops up next. Extra points for seemingly transforming from a screaming girl at a Misfits concert to the smolderingly attractive sister of Selma Blair if the change in your blogger picture is any indication. Also, this in the background:

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PHANTOM OF PULP

Advanced Horror & Cult Collecting 102 Honors. I have no idea who the "phantom" really is, but boy does he ever dig up the incredibly obscure. Everything from flicks, adverts, VCDs, DVDs, lurid novels, magazine clippings, and even Garbage Pail Kids cards. He also clearly has the history to provide thought-provoking insight and detail into his lifelong obsessions. Color me a little more than jealous and frustrated at the things he covers even I can't find!

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I LIKE HORROR MOVIES


Last but not least, my longtime e-friend Carl's ILHM. He's like the ying to my yang. Instead of wantonly hording movies on ever format imaginable like the writer of this blog, Carl frugally selects his horror and is patient like three-toed sloth when he comes to deciding when to nab a flick long on his wishlist. He also somehow finds the time to keep the gory tide at bay and comment upon them. The man also manages the most concise tag list I've come across on a horrolog. If you're interested in a particular flick, chances are Carl has it pegged with his blogger pen.

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So there you have it, the winners of the prestigious 1st Annual Ginger Bush Awards. There is will another ceremony with a new award for a different set of my fav bloggers in the future, so stay tuned! Also thanks as always to those who follow or visit the Basement and to those who've been kind enough to acknowledge this place on their own blogs!

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To All a Good Night (1980)

photocopy with silly magic marker fill-in...OF DOOM.

Directed by David Hess
90 Minutes / Media Home Entertainment / Cropped from 1.85:1 to full screen

It's Christmas vacation at the regal Calvin Finishing School for Girls and the nubile student body are planning a night of debauchery, but first they must drug their housemother to sleep. With their bothersome overseer in bed, the girls start bringing the sexy back with their flown-in boytoys, and soon a figure dressed as Santa is making them prey by axe and crossbow.

The morning after the spooky groundskeeper that warned of evil doings afoot just hours prior is found now one with his beloved dirt-bound organics. The girls do some hand ringing as a couple detectives try to quell their fears and then it's back to fucking like the four horsemen of the apocalypse could be seen on the horizon as night falls once more. Go figure, ol' Saint Nick is ready to collect more girl part adornments for the holiday.

This is how I envision Mr. Stillo himself landed is lone directorial effort and even though I love his whore cuttin', folk singin' ass--I'm willing to bet he doesn't have pleasant memories of being in the director chair. Let's face it, this is the draw of this mediocre poorly-lit slasher. Hess's style never flourishes, except for a handful of motorized pans, and 98% of the time the camera seems braced for hurricane winds. The rest doesn't save the picture; with characters you never warm to, blood played safe for the ratings board (or possibly trimmed), and a nothing-new killer reveal. Definitely for slash completists only, which is a pain to say.


VHS Picture: 3/10 (dark meets dark)
VHS Sound: 4/10

Philip Michael Thomas on PCP

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See? I don't lie...

War of the Living Dead (2006)

A.K.A. Zombie Wars
Directed by David A. Prior
80 Minutes / Videoville Showtime (VVS) (Canada) / 1.78:1 Anamorphic Widescreen

Fifty years after the zombie pandemic, a band of makeshift soldiers make due in woodland-based camps while saving humans from undead slavers. David and Brian (Adam Stuart / Jim Hazelton), brothers battling the undead, are split up when David is captured along with a mute girl saved from the dead. Taken to a "zombie farm", the two find a place where humans are enslaved as a food source and encouraged to mate for the creation of more living prisoners.

David befriends a smarmy fellow inmate, Sliver (Jonathan Badeen), the only other among the living who can communicate verbally. They secretly hatch a plan involving planting a map of the complex onto a "pushead" with the hopes of David's team finding it upon killing the creature. Though can David truly trust Sliver upon seeing him quietly talking with a shady character in the night?

David A. Prior, the man behind such VHS classics as Sledgehammer and Killer Workout, writes and directs his first zombie endeavor. The premise of zombie forces enslaving humanity for food is certainly interesting and could be seen as a logical path for Romero if a real fifth Dead installment ever came to pass. Prior and crew make the best out of an obviously meager budget and that ends up being the most impressive aspect of this feature for better or for worse. From the few stills online of Zombie Wars, I was expecting a shoddy shot-on-video production, but Prior has a good, consistent eye for frame composition.

The ideas here are big and can't quite eclipse the budgetary constraints. Monotonous narration pushes earlier portions along and the scope of the situation is blurry since the characters never speak to vastness of the world they inhabit. Still, credit must go to Prior for having several quiet exposition pieces. The details behind the "smarter" zombies are vague, as they look just like every other common shambler just groaning and pointing commands. They look good with bloody facial rot, even with humanly pink-colored hands and their tendency to reappear later after receiving headshots. The presence of poor CG used in a few terrible decaps doesn't help. Lastly, the wrap-up bites from Night of the Living Dead (you can probably guess what) and The Road Warrior (again, think the obvious).

The film isn't a total wash, but given these issues there is a noticeable struggle to fill 80 minutes. Prior deserves credit for bringing a different angle with such piecemeal funds, but it's a shame a wider greenback palette wasn't provided. Definitely worse DTV zombo flicks out there, judge this against the stupefyingly awful Zombie Farm, and you'll see what I mean.



DVD Picture: 7/10
DVD Sound: 7/10

My Sincerest Apologies

Neither I nor are the friendly folks over at HorrorTalk a bunch of dumbasses. Those two horrendously superlative pull quotes on both the U.S. and U.K. DVD covers of 3 Extremes 2 (Saam gaang / Three) were culled from this review I wrote years ago at HT. Yep, the author of this 'lil blog is internationally misquoted for the sake of selling DVDs. As you can see, my remarks were meant for the full director's cut of Peter Chan's Going Home released by Panorama on Hong Kong DVD, not the pan-Asian anthology mash-up Chan's work was shortened and shoehorned into. So I'm sorry to those poor souls who watched expecting "a masterpiece" which "needed to be seen" and afterward probably cursed HorrorTalk's name. Also you don't have to read my review, my writing is as dreadful as it is now.

I've only seen 3 Extremes 2 (what a terrible title) once and honestly can't remember one bit of Memories or The Wheel. I stopped watching once Going Home began because I didn't care to see an abridged cut. The last time I watched Chan's film was sometime last year and it holds up wonderfully. Despite this sounding trite, I still have no qualms with placing it among the all-time classics of the genre. A simple story masterfully handled by Chan and cast with striking emotional impact on the viewer. The film was nominated and/or awarded a slew of awards in its native country and deserved every nod.

Shame Chan's director's cut has dissolved into obscurity. The DVD I reviewed seems to be the only official release on the globe to this date and long out-of-print. Again, I apologize for the false advertising by Lionsgate and Tartan, but do strongly recommend tracking down the individual Going Home.

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Books That Should Be Translated: Million Mook's Splatter Carnival

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Unsure why I bought this from Amazon.jp a few years back. Besides the fact literature seems dirt cheap in Japan, I don't speak or read a lick of Japanese. Well, I can say "help me" in creepy voice from K. Kurosawa's outstanding Kairo. This film reference guide, Splatter Carnival 2001, was as far I could tell part of a series of seven pocket-sized cinema guides. The only others I can remember were devoted to action flicks and Kaiju.

Unfortunately, the binding is so tight there's no way to scan pages without breaking the spine, but I'll do my best to describe the contents. Running at 286 pages, this guide covers everything from Japanese classics, American slashers, Italian gore, British creekers, and a shitload of stuff in between. The bulk is in black and white with colors ads and a "nightmare gallery" scattered throughout. The nightmare gallery consists of glossy color images of posters, memorabilia, garage kit statues, and soundtracks. There's one particular soundtrack CD for Lustig's Maniac pictured in which the disc is in the shape of Joe Spinell's head with him looking all sweaty psycho! I want that, dammit!

The layout is a bit puzzling. The guide is mostly chopped up with "Horror Maker's Profiles" followed by little write-ups on the given director/actor/make-up artists films with (many) small stills. Many recognizable names like Clive Barker, H.G. Lewis, George Romero, Jess Franco, Tom Savini, Dario Argento, Pete Walker, David Cronenberg, Paul Naschy, Jean Rollin, Mario Bava, Umberto Lenzi, Ruggero Deodato, Sam Raimi, Joe D'Amato, and Giannetto De Rossi are covered. The strange part comes in with portions seemingly having a randomized order to the reviews, especially towards the back end of the guide. The Shining is featured next to The Boogeyman which is followed by The Lift and Death Ship. Though it seems like subgenres like vamps, zombies, Hammer's output, and Japanese horror are loosely sectioned off. It's also cool to see Re-Animator called "Zombio", Scanners "Telepathy 2000", and Phantasm "The Never Dead."

There's also an interview with Ryûhei Kitamura concerning Versus. The last few pages are dedicated to a grid listing of a plethora of films dating from 1944 to 2001 by year. Most feature English titles and include release year, director (in Japanese), leads (in Japanese), and abbreviations of the studios who released them on VHS and DVDs (if applicable) in Japan.

Very cool indeed, if only it was ported for English-speaking readers!

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On Horror Autographs...

Anyone else think meeting horror luminaries at autograph tables or sessions is a bit overrated? I don't have a long history with this, but the few experiences aren't terribly memorable or marred in someway. Ken Foree wanted $25 for his signature, and this was before his career notoriety rebirth in Rob Zombie's features when he was putting Kenan & Kel on the big marquee sign at his table. Worst yet his 8x10s looked as if printed from your common home printer on cheap paper. That's bullshit, I don't care who you are.

I waited in line for nearly an hour to meet Bruce Campbell for ninety seconds and say one of the stupidest things I've ever said in my life. I told him I couldn't find If Chins Could Kill... anywhere to which he replied "Amazon.com" and then I was ushered off by the pushy convention staff. Wow, that changed my life. To be honest, I have no idea where I even put the book he signed.

I also don't quite get the appeal of signed 8x10s, especially for some of the ridiculous prices I've seen. Tom Savini has the right idea. Every time I've seen him, his table has the photos in question, but also has books (like his Grand Illusions volumes) and novelties that you purchase which he will gladly sign. This makes the value increase greatly in my eyes than busting out a Jackson (or more) for a simple glossy. Not to mention personalization of the signatures (like To David...) knocks the long term value down. If you're into that sort of thing.

This is why I rarely persue the autograph rooms at cons anymore. Hell, most of the people I'd want a 'graph from are dead (esp. Vincent Price) and I'd rather raid the dealer's room to buy everything out from under everyone else. My favorite autograph is one I wasn't even present for. My parents ran across Gunnar Hansen years back at a car show in their travels. They gave this to me framed for my 16th birthday, probably a year or so after I first saw The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Truly one of the best gifts I've ever received, even though it goes against what I just said about glossies. Hehe.

The Tough Decisions...

Freddy with S.O.D.

...or Alice with Jason?

Swap Meet Finds: Carradine Daily Double

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Small haul this weekend. Death Race 2000 is the gem, it's in perfect condition and I hopefully will finally get to watch it. I already had a tape of it, but the picture rolled on all on my VCRs. Death Sport is cut up from Warner's original gatefold box. Blade Master is D'Amato's Ator 2. I've never heard of William Lustig's Hit List before. Anyone ever see Hearts and Armour?

Also I must give thanks to Only Good Movies for linking to me for their Top 100 Movie Killers list (The Town That Dreaded Sundown review) and the daily-visited The Cheap Bin for awarding me with a Great Read Award. Thanks guys!

Some quick thoughts on Ghoulies II (1987)

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Eat shit you green asshole!...wait a minute, you already did! AHHHHHHH!!!"

Yes sir, I actually watched Ghoulies II last night. Stop looking at the screen like that. I can feel your damned judging eyes.

This sequel is some kind of strange and tiny fundamental part of my development. My local FOX affiliate used to have creature features on Saturday and Sunday afternoons when I was young(er). Back then, like many of you know, horror flicks on the tube didn't fuck around. Despite being after the hokey horror host phase; a man named Joe Bob was on the "we know drama" network, USA stayed Up All Night, and quasi-horror/dramas like Mary Shelly's Frankenstein weren't fit for air. No, my diet were more credible frights like Waxwork, The Howling, Squirm, and Return of the Living Dead. Then there was Ghoulies II.

They never aired the first in the series to my chagrin. I was stuck watching a dick carnival owner get his ass eaten, Royal Dano probably really drunk on camera, and Phil Fondacaro battle creatures his height. I grew to hate sitting down in anticipation on weekends to see what was on the slate and seeing that damn big rig pulling into a gas station at night--but I watched it anyway.

Visiting this crap now, via Vestron's VHS, it's particularly tame and has a thick "made-for-TV" vibe. The primary reasons to watch are the aforementioned boozed Dano and short Fondacaro performances. According to the IMDB, the violence was trimmed to PG-13, so that explains the dearth of red stuff. I've yet to see Ghoulies, and even though this is bland, I can't help but root for this and Critters as they're riffs on the popularity of Gremlins which I can't seem to warm to.

And there's this, that's right kiddies, f**k like a beast while enjoying the ghoulies!

The Perils of Buying Old Decks

[dork]funny pic, but I doubt a Sony SVO unit would eat a tape.[/dork]

Sometimes you just expect certain sellers at swap meets to have broken electronics. You know the types. The unkept fat guy holding an awful looking pizza slice at 8 a.m. in a beat up shaggin' wagon with Emerson DVD players and VCRs in a four foot high leaning stack and giant speakers with the woofers pushed in. The hick parents with three uncontrollable kids with a DVD player that seems splattered with an unidentifiable substance and remote featuring missing buttons. Regular A/V aficionados I'm tellin' ya!

Though this gets to be a crapshoot with some sellers. This morning I ran into a nice older couple with a JVC VCR in immaculate condition for $7. This damn thing looks straight out of the 1992 box, included the instruction manual, and cool LCD-screened remote with jog toggle. It's even made in Japan, people. JAPAN. Yet I'll be fucked if it'll play a tape without getting hungry. Every extraneous blank I threw into it ended up unspooled around every mechanical curve in the machine upon slapping the Eject button in rage. The Rewind command also can't compute, as the left reel remains frozen and the deck shuts down. Fuckin' baby boomers with their powers to destroy perfectly fine electronics yet somehow maintain that new Circuit City scent. I'll keep the remote and manual though, maybe I'll find another (working) JVC to monkey with.

$7 remote...dammit. expecting the screen to read "sucker"...

Next up and much to my surprise, I found another CED player, this time a Montgomery Ward GEN10301 with a corded remote (high tech early '80s!). This one was from one of those shady van dudes, but rain clouds were were looming so he dropped the price to five from ten. It's condition is pretty battle tested, but c'mon for five bucks? I arrive home and plug it in. No power. I open it, bridge the two wires on the power switch, and get green and red lights on the front. Load up a disc and unfortunately an unseen motor inside incessantly buzzes when pressing Play. No spin up or playback, but there is a silver lining. The stylus in this player is the same model found in my working RCA player. I swapped them out and the needle seems fine while playing in the RCA. So it's like I got a back-up stylus (that you could blow several Hamiltons for on eBay) and a dumpster run for $5.

at least it can act as a cat backwarmer

UPDATE: It appears the three belts in the Wards CED player have melted and the buzzing noise is the loading motor trying to lift the spindle up to meet the disc...cool thing is I can order replacements!

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Commander (1988)

yep, that's two rocket launchers attached to a machine gun...with a scope.

Directed by Ignazio Dolce
110 Minutes / Toshiba (Japan) / 1.66:1ish Widescreen

Craig Alan stars as Roger Craig (a.k.a. "Commander"), a rogue American commando fighting to free innocent prisoners from militant Russian and Vietnamese forces in-and-around Cambodia years after the war. After successfully storming a Russian tanker to retrieve dangerous surveillance equipment for U.S. forces with the promise of safe passage back to America; he returns to find the small village that took him in bombed and its inhabitants slain. Worst yet, his Cambodian bride-to-be is missing, so he commandeers the spy equipment back to use as barter to get her back.

Of course, it's not that simple as the trade plan fails when those slimy Russians double-cross Craig and kill his girl. Though the boxes with the devices are empty with only Craig knowing their true location. The opposing forces take our boy prisoner and interrogate him with vicious methods like plastic bag waterboarding. Craig ultimately fakes his death with herbal pills, awakens on a shoreline amongst bloated dead, and retrieves his secret stash of arms. Dozens of faceless Vietnamese soldiers and a few select Russian military elite are about to be fucked--Reagan era style.

Oh boy, shaky beginnings in this over-the-top Italian macho 'Nam vet actioner with a good forty initial minutes of going through the motions of plot construction. Plentiful action exists in these early sequences, but the story is so obvious it writes itself. Once past the set-up, the film takes its time and although never once escaping the cheese trappings, it all gets progressively better in a palpable sense.

Craig Alan isn't much of a badass, existing somewhere between the chiseled cool of Miles O'Keefe and the goofy of Reb Brown, but certainly superior to the musical stylings of David Heavener. Still, the droopy-eyed Alan has the emoting power of a brick in the rain, his mulleted hair waves like grease slicked spaghetti noodles, and his facial hair at times looks like smeared shit. Somehow though, he gets more likable in the same way as the film as the minutes pass. Dolce also aids the character's revenge motivation by having him find his dead girlfriend dumped on the shore and then cremating her body in a huge bonfire intercut with scenes of suiting up for the final strike.

The action, especially during the great climatic enemy compound battle, is well executed. Many of the shootings are accompanied with multiple squib explosions and the straw hunt eradications are some of the intense I've seen in '80s action. I wouldn't be surprised to hear the Philippine rainforest locations that were used for the action sequences still haven't fully recovered from the carnage. Unexpectedly solid and satisfying.


VHS Picture: 6/10
VHS Sound: 7/10