Castle Freak's got no balls...

.

Anyone who's seen Stuart Gordon's Castle Freak is probably aware of Mr. Castle Freak having a pair of trouser danglers, but no impact wrench. What? Stop looking at the screen like that. Anyway, back in 1998, Full Moon embarked on a series of action figures depicting famous (and not so famous) characters from their horror franchises. Among the line was the Shrieker, Radu from Subspecies, and an assortment from the Puppet Master series. Though the one I always wanted was the Castle Freak (pictured), the only problem was the sculpt quality of the figure sucked, looking handcrafted in the worst sweatshop of the East.

Not only that, but the figure isn't a particularly good representation of the character. It wears a loincloth despite the real Castle Freak being totally naked for most of the film's runtime. The figure's "good" hand is free to hold a whip; while the hand with a thumb torn off to free itself is still shackled. It also just isn't bloody at all, even the "bloody" white-haired Previews Exclusive variant (seen here). This kept me from buying the figure, which appears to not have sold very well. I see these all the time at swap meets from toy dealers.

A few weeks ago I found one, the "light blue" variant, still packaged but in really rough shape. So yesterday in a bit of quiet zen before the season really picks up at work; I decided to tear it from its "cardback" and try to make the figure match the movie better. I broke out the red Testors detail paint and fine point Sharpie markers and went to work. Although I'm not going to be mistaken for those who do amazing repaints as a full-time hobby; I think the results are pretty damn cool. And nope, the figure still isn't what's anatomically correct to the Castle Freak with loincloth properly removed. Sorry I mutilated the cat...

Castle Freak - The BoGD Variant