Thursday, October 27

Dear David Heavener...

So over this past weekend I watched your movie, Evil Grave: Curse of the Maya from back in 2004. You know, the one you directed, wrote, produced, and co-starred in about a couple moving into a desert homestead only to be plagued by a zombie family under some unexplained curse that were murdered years ago.

The one with gradually spawning pink moons in the sky that no one seems to care about much less hardly notice? The one in which a character is inexplicably wearing a totally different shirt in what should be a continuous sequence? The one where Todd Bridges of Diff'rent Strokes fame embarrasses himself while insulting the mentally handicapped playing what's described in the movie as a "retard"? The one where a small pancake-sized blood stain represents the aftermath of a point blank shotgun killing of a child? The one re-titled Dawn of the Living Dead for DVD to obviously capitalize on the popularity of zombies flicks with a cover that's about 236% better than the content it represents? Damn, that cover is great...

And I'm not saying all this as a slight against the movie. It's honestly a terrible movie, but at least it's not terribly annoying or boring. There's more a "weird bad" vibe going on like how in the world even such a simplistic story got rambled through so confusingly. I'm not even going to ask what the hell that mindfuck of a drunken rape between the couple suddenly turning into a dream lovemaking scene with your character that turns out to to have actually occurred was. It all went flying over my head, dude. The scenery is nice and the gory effects are welcome, but really?

The most baffling aspect is Joe Estevez and his character's relationship with Amanda Bauman's female lead. I kept wondering whether he was her father, uncle, or doctor since she has psychological issues. Now, I understand Emilio's uncle gotta eat and maybe in reality he's a pimp, but he's her fiancée? As in they're engaged to be married...?! Age gap much...?

No comments: you dare tread upon the staircase?

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