Saturday, May 2

The Last Witness (1985?)

Directed by E. Bruce Weiss
85 Minutes / Trans World Entertainment / Cropped from 1.85:1 to full screen

(spoilers, like you even care)

After choking a guard to death, a young man by the name of Henry Thurman (Jeff Henderson) escapes from prison to wonder the country backwoods. He's eventually picked up by a local fat hick sheriff, but successfully lights the unfortunate bastard ablaze. Eventually he's found by another fat hick squatting in an abandoned concrete structure.

At this point, the film gets so college experimental and the video quality flops around so much I expected tracks from R.E.M.'s Murmur to start playing. After five minutes of a conversation we don't hear, the fat hick (with a disproportionally pretty yet crackwhore-eyed wife) accepts to take Henry in and help. All this even with the knowledge that Henry is on the lam. The justification given is merely the redneck stating "I've never been wrong." We then suffer through senseless exposition about Henry having a dossier the government is willing to kill for...or something. I really don't give a damn remembering all the languid specifics at this point.

Fast forward, please. A tough looking military dude comes in and begins killing off individuals Henry has had contact with in town. Henry, the hick, and wife plan to escape to Canada but they see a helicopter in the distance. I know, holy shit. The group parks it in the woods only to all be killed off by the military dude. The credits roll. Hurray for small miracles.

The most interesting fact about this dreck is that it's not listed on the IMDB, nor is the director, the star, or most of the names on the cover. I could only find Ken Strunk.

Film: 0/10 (a BoGD first!)
VHS Picture: 6/10
VHS Sound: 3/10

No comments: you dare tread upon the staircase?

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