Tuesday, May 5

The Tomb (1986)

Directed by Fred Olen Ray
84 Minutes / Trans World Entertainment / Cropped from 1.85:1 to full screen

A resurrected vampiric Egyptian goddess, Nefratis (Michelle Bauer), tracks down artifacts stolen from her tomb in Hollywood. Her possessions are held by collectors and after killing one of them, the son of the slain man vows to find the killer. Queue Cameron Mitchell wondering where it all went to hell...

You know you're in for trouble when there's two title cards. Despite being strongly depicted on the cover and getting a character name, Sybil Danning is in this for maybe two minutes in the beginning in a meaningless scene. Though a dude does managed to blow up her small Cessna with one shot from a pistol. Being a Fred Olen Ray work, there's crude humor, nudity, and awful music, but these elements arrive blandly and can't find any sense of charm. The son's search drags the film into a long lull and never recovers as it spirals ever deeper into boredom for the viewer.

David O'Hara is way underused as the pig-headed tomb raider (think a low-rent Jack Burton) being set up as the lead only to drift off towards the middle. John Carradine quietly mumbles through a few lines ("purt the blund in the cupse"), Mitchell looks either a few minutes before or after another shot of brandy, and Bauer doesn't show off her puppies yet turns in the best performance of all in this chore. Falls noticeably short of even the slimmest of expectations.

Film: 2.5/10
VHS Picture: 5/10
VHS Sound: 4/10

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