Sunday, September 6

Rambo V: From Suck to Blow

What the hell, Sly? First, Variety broke a plot sketch months back involving John becoming a badass vengeance-fueled vigilante against the Mexican drug cartel in order to save a kidnapped loved one on domestic shores. Kinda like Rambo meets Death Wish meets The Border if Sly wanted to get a little realistically topical like how his last gory little brown people massacre fleetingly danced across the ongoing societal ordeal in Burma.

Then this past Friday, AICN broke exclusive details (see here) over a new Rambo V synopsis now involving an "off-the-grid" super soldier trained by the government with John being sent into the woods to lower the boom on Roland Emmerich...I mean GR44...I mean Jean-Claude Van Damme...I mean that one flick with Tommy Lee Jones lookin' like Grizzly Adams. You get the point. Certainly odd, not as good as the first Hispanic bloodbath pitch, but Sly just might have what it takes to make it work. If nothing else but on the goodwill built up over his last several films.

Today AICN has revised revised details on the disgruntled 'Nam vet war machine's fifth adventure. This update has John facing off with, get this, a potentially immortal, half-human "BEAST" with a partner named "BEAU BRADY" (?!?!) in the "ARCTIC CIRCLE." What. in. thee. fuck. Rambo versus the snow beast? Naturally, Harry Knowles is a big fat ginger dumbass and has already firmly latched onto Stallone's cock over this latest radical plot change.

The Rambo sequel series collectively isn't rooted in reality at all (you know this), but they're straight "fuck the world" action films. I can't see how this will work. Stallone might not want to make Part 5 a mash-up between Rambo and The Expendables, but taking an iconic action character and throwing him into a Mummy sequel isn't the way to go--at all. It's tantamount to Cameron tossing the Terminator exactly how he was in the director's two features into the world of Avatar. If Sly pulls this one off, the final product deserves to stand with the likes of Citizen Kane on terms of sheer audacity, ambition, and the ten ton balls to dare.


J. Astro said...

I will follow Rambo anywhere, from the safety of my chair... though I think the claims detailed here are probably blown way the fuck outta proportion and/or context. I wouldn't worry too much about ol' John just yet... at least not until we start to see some REAL data. Good heads-up, though!

Jayson Kennedy said...

Dunno man, I just dunno.

I'm fairly certain the second plot details involving the super soldier are "real" as they appear to be direct from Sly.

Though as you said, there's still time...

Anonymous said...

I'm with Astro - I'll watch it no matter what. And I was disappointed by the last one. Still, this sounds really weird.

Nick Sayers said...

Yeah im totally down. I think rambo killing universal soldiers is fucking cool.

the jaded viewer said...

Rambo IV's war-rific gore will probably follow in Rambo V. Can't he just go all Rambo on Blackwater? you dare tread upon the staircase?

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