Tuesday, April 14

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)

"Sister, I've been shot...almost...five times!"

Directed by Fred Olen Ray
90 Minutes / Camp Motion Video / Unmatted Full Frame

Prostitute "minions" of a chainsaw-worshiping cult (led by Gunnar Hansen) slice-and-dice clients as a brutish, wisecracking detective (Jay Richardson) investigating a missing girl (Linnea Quigley) is quickly entrapped.

I didn't care much for my first viewing for this a mere several months ago (on Retromedia's DVD), but I appreciated it more for what it is this go around. The flow of the threadbare plot is more fleshed out compared to its fun "sister movie" Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama which spiraled out of control somewhere in the middle. The stunning Michelle Bauer steals the show here, proving to be the most attractive and competent actress in the film. The opening attention-grabber featuring the once Penthouse Pet fully nude sawing up an unexpecting john whilst being splashed by copious amount of Kool-Aid should be immortalized in gold for the annals of all-time best cinematic cheese. Ms. Bauer even surpasses the guys, with Jay Richardson's cheesy, noirish detective narration being better than his performance and Hansen's wooden delivery. Also Quigley's ass looks great during the "The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws." That's pretty much it, and I'm sure Fred Olen Ray wasn't shooting for much else.

Film: 6/10
VHS Picture: 5/10 (dark and quite bluish)
VHS Sound: 3/10 (hissy)


Jenn said...

This has been a fave of mine for years, mainly due to my obsession with Linnea. When Gunnar Hansen came to my then college to screen TCM for part of the local film festival several years ago, I took my VHS of Hookers to get it autographed. He was impressed when I presented him with the copy - he was all like, oh, Hookers, haven't thought about that one in a looong time. So that was pretty cool. I also asked him what Linnea was like, and he responded that she seemed nice, but was too big of a star at the time so she didn't pay much attention to him on set. Which totally contradicts what she said in her auto-bio about working with Gunnar.

Jayson Kennedy said...

Cool, I've never met Hansen, but Linnea was an absolute sweetheart when she signed my LP of the ROLD soundtrack ("You have one of these!") a few years back. Interesting contradiction and I'm surprised Hansen would be so candid.

Anonymous said...

This is actually one of my all-time favorites. Michelle Bauer makes my pants feel tighter.

...do you dare tread upon the staircase?

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