Monday, February 2

The Alchemist (1984)

Directed by Charles Band (aka "James Amante")
84 Minutes /Lightning Video VHS / Unmatted Full Frame

Robert Ginty as a cursed man whose immortal and doomed to prowl the nights as a beast. The story starts in 1871 and then flashes to 1955, where a women named
Lenora is mysteriously drawn to the mountains where Ginty lives in hiding with an elderly woman. Lenora, along with a hitchhiker she picks up, discover hell's minions will arrive in our dimension at twilight to stalk her. Can she and her guy friend with shoulder pads survive the night? What makes Ginty so "meh" in everything he's in? Do you even care?!?

Well, the biggest complaint about this film is the time it wastes--especially during the first half. Get this: Lenora picks up the hitcher, drives for awhile, kicks him out, gets the car stuck, he helps her, she drives off, he sits for awhile, she drives back, picks him back up, and we're finally more freakin' driving. That's a good fifteen minutes and it's the kind of padding that makes you go absolutely batshit. Things pick up later, but by then it's a bit too late. Also a few what seem like key plot elements aren't really explored in any detail. The film has some blood, chair jumpers, and bald demons dudes wearing human clothes with Spock ears. It's not terrible, but it's pure "watch once and file away" material.

Film: 4.5/10
VHS Video: 7/10 (bright with good color)
VHS Sound: 4/10 (snap, crackle, pop)

No comments: you dare tread upon the staircase?

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