Sunday, February 22

Kill Crazy (1990)

"(David Heavener is the) action star of the ninties." -- International Press

Directed by David Heavener
94 Minutes / Media Entertainment / Unmatted Full Frame

David Heavener versus a band of white-supremacist environmentalists (what?!?) headed up by Bruce Glover. I think I'm less intelligent after watching.

This is my first and hopefully last encounter with a Heavener film in any capacity. He acts, directs, and tells a story with all the finesse of a jackhammer hitting all the wrong spots in an echo chamber. It's not even unintentionally funny, just a big heap of boring pictures strung together. Heavener is horrid as an actor with all the wrong facial expressions, line delivery, and a trout's power to emote. Even screamin' mad Reb Brown throughly kicks this guy's ass as an action star.

Only until seventy-four minutes have passed does Heavener decide to stop stumbling around like a pussy and strap up in (incredibly tepid) badass form. On top of that, either the weapons master was a hardass about short bursts or the sound effects guy was drunk, because all of the gun shots sound terrible with everyone doing that stupid ass "jiggling" motion with the machine guns they fire. When a smart rottweiler is the most interesting aspect of the entire film--something is very wrong. We're even treated to several awful dubbed-in songs "sung" by Heavener himself. For a title like "Kill Crazy", I expected something kicked up fifty times over this trash. And to think people thought Stallone's return to Rambo sucked...

Film: 1/10
VHS Picture: 7/10
VHS Sound: 5/10

No comments: you dare tread upon the staircase?

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