Tuesday, February 10

Commando Squad (1987)

"No, I'm calling you a midget donkey fucker."

Directed Fred Olen Ray
90 Minutes / TransWorld Entertainment / Cropped from 1.85:1 to full screen

Kathy Shower as a member of an elite commando squad (hehe) sent into Mexico alone, by none-other-than Robert Quarry, to save Brian Thompson (crazy axe murderer-cultist from Cobra) from the cocaine druglords imprisoning him. Sketchy plot points of morbidly obese Mexican honcho dealings, bar catfighting set to cheesy generic hair metal, narration that suddenly halts midway into the running time, and Shower sporting a vintage raven-haired rat's nest atop her naturally blond head ensue.

For me, the saving grace in this rather middling relic is the casting of the baddies. William Smith spits out threatening one-liners in his usual gruff tone while sporting the casual tropic look. Sid Haig leisurely saunters about leaving a trail of greaseball slime (his death is also stupidly hilarious, you can hear Shower gasping thinking she had severely hurt him), and a tex-mex dressed Ross Hagen strapped with six-shooter as a character known simply as "Cowboy" just about keep the proceedings from the scrap heap.

Ms. Shower, Playboy's Playmate of the Year '86, proves to be more than competent in her slummy badass role. Her confidence and 'tude shine through as she saves Thompson's bitch ass, despite an odd and total lack of nudity in the film. Thompson isn't given much to do besides attempting two escapes and getting his teeth rocked by his captors. Yes, the action kinda sucks and I wouldn't really recommend it to anyone--yet it's perfectly innocuous '80s action backwash...and that's okay.

Film: 5/10
VHS Picture: 6/10
VHS Sound: 6/10

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I don't know what it is, but I want to to see this movie really badly now.

...do you dare tread upon the staircase?

Basement of Ghoulish Decadence, Basement of Ghoulish Archive, and all original material Copyright © 2009-present by Jayson Kennedy. All rights reserved.